Breaking News: Apple’s Tim Cook Leaving To Head Up Boar’s Head

Inspired by the possibility of news, as so saliently pointed out by humorist Andy Borowitz of the New Yorker, I hereby launch the sincere option of Tim Cook leaving for Boar’s Head. I first thought of that incredible opportunity in 2014 when opening up the new resealable packaging introduced by Boar’s Head.

If you pay close attention to how the package opens and how the meat is sliced and stacked up, you realize the CEO of Boar’s Head has never opened a pre-sliced meat package of Boar’s Head. In the same way, the deplorable evolution of Apple products is evidence Tim Cook is not using Apple products with any sincere dependency beyond the use as a glorified messenger and typewriter.

Take a good look at the packaging of Boar’s Head products, and you may notice the counter-intuitive way the meat is stacked in the container.

To get the first slice out, one must open the resealable container to the end, peel off one piece and reseal the whole container (not easy to do in an air-sealed manner). If the meat were rotated in a 180-degree fashion, the first slice would have been on top of the half-opened container, and the rest would have been contained for freshness.

This is the kind of stuff Apple’s former CEO and genius Steve Jobs would fret over and is no longer part of the compass of a profit-margin-hungry Apple, with a board too posh to push.

The on/off switch on the iPhone is in a similarly dumb location as the meat of Boar’s Head is stacked. The feeble reseal is a seal that requires just as much expertise about the delicate influence of bacteria on meat as the intricate knowledge required to adjust the preferences of notifications on an iPhone.

I can only dream of Tim Cook moving to Boar’s Head so that a real leader with a higher normalization of evolutionary truth and awareness can step in and deploy a more discerning viewpoint of how technology’s investment, reliance, and experience should and could enhance humanity.

Sometimes, it hurts to wake up to a world that suspects nothing of the kind of leadership that turns humanity, with the most cognitive neurons in our cerebral cortex amongst the cheering of a pageantry of positivity, into the greatest fool of all.

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